


Comminitus

by DemonsMuse



Series: Adventures in Blackouts and Friendship [3]
Category: The Blackout Club (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, EH encounter Narrative, Gen, Tags work sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22689988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonsMuse/pseuds/DemonsMuse
Summary: Arabella Peters, an SAO devout, found herself questioning Their teachings. She began asking for the Adversary, Thee-I-Dare's help to break her away from Them. She spent months waiting for His response, but when it came, it left her with nothing but hurt and rage at the broken god.
Series: Adventures in Blackouts and Friendship [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632184
Kudos: 1





	Comminitus

**Author's Note:**

> This is a narrative based on an actual Enhanced Horror encounter, written with quotes from the actual encounter. Kyle is Kylef890's character, and is in no way my person at all. Enjoy the reading!!

It was cold, I was tired, and I barely felt like running missions. The Club paired me up with Kyle for the night, which normally would have been welcome, but I honestly wasn’t having it. The world was dark, the floors were wet, and I just had this craving for attention that I hadn’t ever felt before. It swirled around, chilling me from the inside out and desperately wanting something to crawl into my head, to remind me I wasn’t alone or to just have another presence with me. I promised the Club I would run otherwise I would have just gone home and waited for my parents to come back. I don’t even know what brought it on, I just know Kyle’s the real MVP for letting me just sit in Film and scroll through my phone instead of doing the mission. 

Even so, I felt bad for just sitting there, so I crawled out of my hiding place, growing even colder from the metal under my hands. I called through the radio to let him know I was ready to run again and checked out the surroundings. Everything seemed normal. Dull even. Lifeless. Nothing but a camera lit the way. I was about to run and join him when he told me that TID was there. Honestly? I felt my heart sink. He couldn’t talk to me, couldn’t watch me, could barely even look in my direction. He couldn’t fill that void in my head, especially not since I had my Stalker shirt on. The sleeves were just tight enough that it kinda felt like a hug. It made me feel better. 

“Oh.” was all I could think of to say. I tried not to sound as disappointed as I felt.  _ “Another silent night for me.”  _ I took a deep breath and started humming to myself, not wanting to distract him. 

“He says you reached out to him.” That made me pause.  _ “At least I wasn’t screaming at the void…”  _ I took a seat on the edge of the wood and pulled my notebook out of my pocket. I felt…  _ something  _ creep over my shoulder, but I assumed it was just paranoia, like always. 

“Uh,” I flipped through the pages, “I did… I just need to figure out, uh, which time!” A laugh I didn’t want escaped my throat. It was an ugly, nervous laugh, one that betrayed all too well everything that was wrong with me. My notes were scrambled and mismatched, some a bit damp from Maddie spilling water on it “accidentally.” The room got heavy from the silence. I assumed it was because I hadn’t talked yet, and it wasn’t a big deal, but my heart started pounding anyway. 

_ “Come on, hurry up, Ara. Kyle’s sacrificing his time for you, so don’t waste it.”  _ I flipped faster, finally seeing some of my scribbles make some sort of sense, but none of them were clear. 

“There’s been… a few…” My voice drooped as I felt my hands start trembling and my breath get shorter.  _ “Nonono, not now, Ara. Not now.”  _ I squinted my eyes shut for a moment and reopened them, staring directly down at the Ward on my chest. Internally, I winced. Of course he came when I was like this. Of course he came when I was craving  _ not _ his attention. 

“And, uh, sorry I’m wearing the stupid shirt…” I owed him a lot, and this was what I gave him? A one-way trip to stay-the-hell-away-ville? My brain started oozing all sorts of nastiness, weighing me down and stapling me to the wooden boards. I wanted to wallow in my regret for a little longer, but it wasn’t to be. I heard a Lucid’s footsteps on the metal stairs and had to book it, peeling myself away from my solitude. I cut the palm of my hand jumping, but it got me away. I ran towards Kyle for some semblance of safety, notes flipping in the wind. 

Somehow, the crack of the radio didn’t startle me. Kyle nearly took a flying leap into the void, but at least he came out okay. I yelled at him a little, probably talking over his god. I just shook my head and ran up into New Growth, climbing up some of the scaffolding. 

“So…” Kyle’s voice paused a little awkwardly, “He’s still kind of questioning if we can trust you, but I kind of told him we can trust you.” A little smile crept onto my face --It was kind of nice to be trusted-- but it soon faded back into solemnity. I laughed a little bitterly. 

“It’s completely fair to question me, honestly. I’m not even offended by it.” A quick look around let me know all was well, so I squatted for a bit, trying to squint at my notes.  _ “That’s just me crying, that’s a turtle, that’s Die-For-You…”  _ I furrowed my brow.  _ “God, which one is it? Did I even write these down?”  _ I almost didn’t notice Kyle running through the Twist with all my searching. 

“So, what did you reach out to him about?”

“Um, a few things? But I think that Sparrow talked about most of it?” Finally, something showed up. I skimmed, seeing only things that I told the two Chosen already. I felt myself trembling. “Oh god, I’m literally flipping through my notes here…” Of course I didn’t have anything when he actually showed up. My mind was blank and my notes were useless. The walls already loomed over me, watching, wondering, waiting. I felt the weight of paranoia settle on my shoulders as I shoved the notepad back into my pocket. 

“We can be patient.” As soon as he said it, the red door flashed open and the Angel appeared, almost perfectly on cue. I felt my body tense as I waited for the telltale feeling of dread that came with him to swirl its way into the mess of a mind I have, but it never came. Glancing behind me, Kyle was grabbing some extra supplies. I bit my lip. 

“Kyle,  _ please _ be careful.” Even my voice was shaking now. I mentally cursed myself. Now I needed to out-sin him. To protect him. 

“They have marked her for ascent.” I nearly jumped as he came up behind me, gently grabbing my shoulder to keep me aware. What? What did that mean? I stared at him with confusion until it clicked. 

“I’m guessing that means... meaning they want her to be a host.” I nodded. That felt like their language. 

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me at all.” I laughed a little to myself as Kyle rushed by, blinking every few seconds to catch one of the thoughts. We split, him running to Somni while I took a run into The Twist. That place usually calmed me down just running through it, just from the cool lighting and closeness of it. 

_ “It’s something. Just start looking for a camera.”  _ My own footsteps echoed around me, adding, yet subtracting from the jumbled mess of thoughts I kept so close.  _ “Just stop being useless.”  _ I shook my head. No time for that. No time for any of that. I looked behind me, swearing I saw a shadow cross my vision, then continued towards Signal, knowing there was usually an active camera there. The shaking didn’t make it any easier to balance on the beams of Nerve than it usually was, and I felt myself leaning way too far a few times. I barely kept my balance. 

I’m just glad I didn’t feel him while I was still on them. 

I felt it. The burning coolness I’d almost forgotten. The feeling of a flame curling around me, noticeable but not burning. I almost slipped on the outcrop. 

**ARABELLA.**

My breath hitched.  _ “Is it… how is he…”  _ All of the shakes immediately returned. “Yes, hello?” It came out a lot smoother than I thought it would. I felt every thought in my head go wild, from thankfulness, to fear, to pure confusion. I stared into space, barely registering the winds around me for once. 

**YOU CALLED TOO MANY TIMES, CHILD.**

**THE WARD AGAINST ME FAILS.**

My eyes nearly bulged out of my sockets. I mumbled his words to myself, just to make sure they were real. That something was real. I was shaking so much I barely noticed it. Kyle ran from Barracks out in front of me, breaking me out of my trance. 

“Oh my god, Kyle!” I’m not even sure if my voice registered excitement or fear. He looked up at me from the ground, a bit of concern on his face. I must have looked like hell. 

“Kyle, he’s  _ talking _ to me.” It was barely a whisper, but somehow he heard. Both of us gasped, and I felt another intrusive thought. 

**WHAT DO YOU WANT?**

And there was the fear. Kyle ran to find more evidence, leaving me alone with the enemy. Or, who was supposed to be. I  _ had  _ called him myself. 

_ “What if it’s not him?”  _ The little voice in my head, my built in one, not the other one, chimed in, whispering in my ear.  _ “What if They know, and this is how they’re testing you?”  _ The sequence of events flashed before my eyes. I’d talk to him like he was a friend, a co-conspirator, and suddenly I’d feel the Angel breathing down my neck, the imposing rumble of the instrument, then everything fading to pitch black terror. I felt my eyes watering just thinking about it. New fear surging through me, I tried to pick up the pieces. 

“F-first of all, just to ease my own disquiet… who are you? I think I know.” Rumors of an imposter kept me on my toes. It was stupid, but it was a fear. 

**YOU THINK YOU CALL ANOTHER? NOW?**

I felt my will weakening by the second.  _ “Stupid question.”  _ This was not what I was looking for. This was not what I could handle. Tears already threatened to fall without my consent, but for once, I held my ground. 

“I… I’m sorry, I just wanna make sure I’m really…” Kind of. I sighed at my own stupidity. “I’m really paranoid, I’m sorry…” I swallowed hard, shivering in my shirt and wiping my eyes. The iron curtain started sliding down, making me want to talk to him even less. I was useless right now. Completely useless. I took a leap to the light in front of me, needing to put the energy somewhere,  _ anywhere _ , just not into my head. I could almost feel him scoffing. This… didn’t feel right. It was as if he forgot who I was, what I was doing. I blame the stuff going on with him. 

**I HAVE HAD MANY NAMES.**

**NONE FIT ME NOW.**

**DEVIL. ADVERSARY. THEE-I-DARE.**

I was both eased and put more on edge by the words. They were in the right order. It was really him. I felt something in me reject him in an almost visceral response. It… hurt. My head hurt, having him there. I can barely explain it. Now that I knew though, I just felt… tired. Drained. Useless. 

“Thanks for… I guess, call it, easing anxiety brain-- U-um…” I sputtered even still. “I guess--” Another thought. I closed my eyes as quickly as I could.

**WHAT DO YOU WANT, STALKER?**

I almost burst out laughing. Of course he’d call me that. Of course that’s what I was. Of course I had no reason to expect anything else. I rubbed my eyes again, keeping the tears away and trying to laugh through it. 

“Yeah that’s fair, that’s fair. That is incredibly fair---” I searched through my head, trying to fight the blank it was giving me. “Um… Unfort-- I think a lot of it is late news at this point, but I know a couple of times I wanted to at least explain that term that I told Sparrow, the term ‘dissonance’, just so you’d know what it meant, but I think you’ve figured that out by now.” The bitterness set in. I told them everything. Even what I shouldn’t have. I had nothing. Nothing of use. Nothing of importance. Just like always. “And…” I sighed, feeling my face swelling with embarrassment. It was hopeless. I didn’t deserve his trust. I let the defeat come through my voice. “I just wanted to help you…” 

**IT WAS YOU, WAS IT NOT?**

I stared in confusion.

**MY CHOSEN SPEAK OF FRIENDS…**

**ON THE OTHER SIDE.**

_ “At least he’s recognizing me.”  _ I drooped a bit lower, slowly reliving every other time he talked to me. “I’m pretty sure that’s me, yeah.” I felt the need to defend myself, like I was under attack. Under scrutiny, worse than I’d felt from Speak-As-One. Kyle and Sparrow always talked about how he put them at ease, but I felt as if they were talking about someone completely different. I swallowed the panic as best I could. “I-I've been trying to ask... Them... questions... to help... figure out your situation and see if They know anything about it. Unfortunately, they weren’t helpful.” 

**LISTEN TO ME, ARABELLA.**

I felt the world go dark. It was like getting a text saying “we need to talk;” filled with uncertainty and dread. Every muscle in me tensed and I leaned against the cord, needing something stable to keep me from shaking through the holes. 

“I’m listening.” 

My worst mistake was listening.

**YOU ARE TELLING YOURSELF A LIE.**

**I WOULD KNOW.**

**IN THIS LIE, YOUR FRIENDS SURVIVE.**

**ALL VOICES SURVIVE. IN PEACE.**

**WHETHER YOU HELP ME OR NOT…**

**IT IS NOT SO. WE ARE CONFLICT.**

“I-I-I-I  _ know _ that!” It was painted and burned before my eyes. Working with Thee-I-Dare. Getting a way for people to leave. Letting them get out of here. Not needing to fight anymore. Staying here with my choice. Everything going back to “normal.” 

Gone. 

Burnt to ashes. 

I couldn’t stop them. The tears just fell and fell and fell. My world was a lie. I knew it was, deep in the back of my head, but I didn’t think about it. For once, I didn’t think about how stupid it was. I didn’t think about how there was no negotiation. How the one thing I was good at would never be able to help here. I didn’t think about it because I wanted to try. I wanted to see that future. Everyone told me if I tried hard enough, it would work. If I followed what I thought was right, that it would be better in the end. 

I was wrong and he told me so. 

I could barely register he was still talking to me. 

**IF I HAVE MY WAY, IT ENDS SOONER.**

**THAT IS ALL.**

I sat in silence for a few moments, feeling the words melt through me like the lava through Pompei. It sunk in. It stung. It hurt with every ounce of my being. 

“God, Why is it every time you talk to me, I just get more confused?!” I heard my voice echo through the Plexus, even through the Instrument. A couple of sleepers looked in my direction, and I’m surprised Kyle didn’t hear me too. But I didn’t want to yell. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to bring in any more conflict than there already was. “I-I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” I relented, letting tears muffle any more thoughts I could have. I felt what was supposed to be a warm, comforting presence on my shoulder set my skin aflame. 

**WE CURSED YOU WITH TWO MINDS.**

**FROM THE BEGINNING. OUR FAULT.**

**I CANNOT SHRUG OFF RESPONSIBILITY.**

I looked behind me, feeling another presence, and stared at Kyle, sniffing and sputtering with nothing but silence to meet me. I couldn’t look at him. I turned away. It hurt too badly. It hurt knowing that this was what he was following. 

**THINK LONG ON WHAT YOU WANT.**

**I MUST SPEAK WITH KYLE, NOW.**

“I’m sorry I pulled you away from him…” Something lingered in my voice. Something I barely recognized. “I’ll keep the Angel away from him too. It’s the least I could do. I just need to find a camera.” I leaped off the lamp and ran towards Signal, feeling the despair bubble inside my chest and pull me even faster to the ground. I almost ran immediately, leaving Kyle behind and running to The Angel so I wouldn’t have to think, but I couldn’t. I had to keep him safe first, right? 

“Tag, you’re it, Kyle.” I tried to sound as cheerful as I could, hoping he didn’t see my face in the relative darkness. Signal turned up blank, so I sprinted into Barracks, mumbling under my breath the whole time. I had to. I had to keep my mind off what just happened. 

I never felt so alone. So helpless. So useless.  _ “Nothing I do matters. Nothing I do can change anything.”  _ My own voice taunted me. I couldn’t escape it, no matter how hard I tried.  _ “Of course not, you can’t do anything by yourself.”  _ I felt my lungs burning for air to the point of coughing, but I just kept running. I had to keep moving. I had to make noise. To do  _ something.  _ To be helpful  _ somehow.  _

_ “Why do you even try? Everything you do is wrong.”  _ The sound of stone tapping beneath my feet helped stabilize me, but not enough. Never enough. The lights were blinding, but too dark at the same time. I could hear my own blood rushing through my head before I could hear anything else.  _ “Why did he tell me that?”  _ I bit my lip, tasting iron.  _ “What did he think that would do?”  _ My body shifted to autopilot, searching for briefcases before running up the stairs, metal banging under my feet. 

“So bad news,”  _ God  _ I didn’t want to hear his voice. I felt the hurt shift to Kyle within a heartbeat, wanting something, no, some _ one _ to be able to take it out on. To blame. To hurt. I pulled it back as quickly as I could.  _ “Not his fault. Not his fault.”  _

“He says that there’s a sch-schism..however you pronounce that word-crack, in you?” 

“Schism…” My own voice didn’t feel like my own. But what did he mean? A schism? In me? How dense did you have to be to  _ not  _ notice? I slowed in my ascent only because I found what I was looking for, pushing what I’d just heard to the backburner. The camera’s green glow slid from side to side, stating its disapproval with the rest of the Maze. I sat down in the middle of it, closing my eyes as the sirens blared. It didn’t take long for the dread to pile on and the Angel to climb out of the trapdoor, gaze pointed straight at me. If I hadn’t been on autopilot, I wouldn’t have ran. It was a familiar feeling. One that was constant. Consistent. Stable. Horrible, but still something I could count on. Something I could never get if I followed him. 

I just kept running, repeating the same torturous thoughts over and over while my hands felt everything and my legs burned from exhaustion. Was this really Thee-I-Dare? Was this the wonderful person my friends always talked about? That joked and bantered with them? That supported them, even when their idea was nigh suicidal? Was  _ this  _ who I talked to? I filtered through the memories of Sparrow sharing her talks with a sense of companionship, even when the subjects were heavy. Of Kyle laughing at being called “insane.” Of the god who said he’d help me if I wanted to leave my family behind. It didn’t add up. Didn’t make sense. 

I’d kicked through a fence by the time Kyle radioed me he was finished. I would have soaked my sleeves if I was wearing anything but rubber. Even the sleeper’s harsh voices wanting to “guide me home” felt more comforting than what I’d just heard. I’m sure a direct threat from IHT would have been warmer. The vision I had of him crumbled, replaced with a cold, unfeeling blue. That was the Adversary. Our enemy. The one I’d betrayed my family for. 

I almost wish it  _ had  _ been an imposter.

But I knew it wasn’t.


End file.
